101 Ways to Annoy Serverus Snape
by Jillion Tealleaf
Summary: This is just as the title says 101 ways to annoy Serverus Snape. I got my material from a YouTube video. Some of the 'scenarios' that poor Snape finds himself in will be combined simply because on the video multiple numbers go together. Please R&R!
1. Mission Impossible

**...IMPORTANT NOTICE****...IMPORTANT NOTICE****...IMPORTANT NOTICE****...IMPORTANT NOTICE****...IMPORTANT NOTICE****...IMPORTANT NOTICE****...IMPORTANT NOTICE...**

I know, lately I have not been to good about updating my stories...in fact I've really sucked. But I have finally got through my major writers block, have found time, and just got back into the spirit of writing. I have re-read people's reviews and my stories. I've decided I'm going to re-do the chapters to my stories (starting with this new one). I hope you can all forgive me and please stick with me.

**...IMPORTANT NOTICE****...IMPORTANT NOTICE****...IMPORTANT NOTICE****...IMPORTANT NOTICE****...IMPORTANT NOTICE****...IMPORTANT NOTICE****...IMPORTANT NOTICE...**

**Story Title: **A 101 Ways to Annoy Severus Snape

**Chapter Title: **Mission Impossible

**Author: **Jillion Tealleaf

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**Disclaimer: **The characters nor the ideas of what occurs in these chapters belong to me. The characters belong to J.K. Rowling and the events belong to the whoever came up with them and put them into YouTube videos.

"Harry are you sure about this? What if he doesn't come by this way?" Hermione asked, her voice shaking with nervousness.

"Trust me, he'll come. He always uses the bathroom and walks back this way before going to dinner." Harry reassured her. "Ron, go look for him."

Ron walked over to a large pillar and peered out into the intersecting hallways, while his two friends started an argument about the proper way to sneak into the Prefects Bathroom.

A few minutes passed before Ron quickly ran back to his original position and hissed "Here he comes! Get into position!" The Golden Trio pressed themselves up against the wall and stated looking around nervously as they listened to the nearing footsteps.

After a few seconds a figure shrouded in dirty, black, billowing robes rounded the corner. The trio had to look away as Professor Severus Snape, Hogwarts' Potion Master, briefly blinded them with his greasy glory.

In a tone that could only be described as a lazy drawl Snape asked "What are you three doing here?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing Professor." Hermione answered before nervously looking around.

"We're doing absolutely nothing wrong Sir." Ron stammered.

"This is how all Gryffindors hang out before dinner." Harry chimed in, barely controlling the shakiness in his voice.

"Uh huh...Well then I suggest you all get to dinner before I decide to give you detentions for loitering in the hallways." Snape said with a hint of a smirk.

"Of course Professor. Whatever you say Professor." Hermione said as she and the boys stepped away from the wall.

"Good. I have no intention spending my time talking to mischievous Gryffindors such as yourselves when I could instead be enjoying some spotted dick1." Snape said, as he glared at the trio, before walking away; presumably towards the Dining Hall.

As soon as he rounded the corner, Harry pulled the Invisibility Cloak from his pocket and threw it over the group as Hermione cast a silencing spell on their feet. Once they caught up to him and and began dogging his footsteps they started whistling the main theme to _Mission Impossible. _

When Snape whipped around, looked perplexedly at, what was supposedly an empty hallway, and scratched his head, the trio stopped their whistling and tried not to snicker as they ran off.

"I think I need to lay off of the spotted dick." Snape commented as he shook his head and continued off to dinner, where he forwent his favorite dessert.

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**AN: **1 Spotted Dick is actually a dessert presented in the fourth Harry Potter book. I found the actual description of the dessert on Harry Potter Lexicon (#Spotted_Dick). The description is: A suet pudding made with currants or raisins. The name is thought to come from a corruption of the word "pudding".

Anyways, I hope you really enjoyed reading this. It was fun to write and I plan to write more of these short stories when I go brain-dead on my other stories.

-Jillion Tealleaf


	2. Detentions

**Title: **101 Ways to Annoy Severus Snape

**Author: **Jillion Tealleaf

**Disclaimer: **The characters nor the ideas of what occurs in these chapters belongs to me. The characters belong to J.K. Rowling and the events belong to the whoever came up with them and put them into YouTube videos.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked into the potions classroom happier than usual; normally they were unhappy, after all, they had double potions with Slytherin.

"Ron, how many detentions do you think His Royal Greasiness will give today?" Hermione asked.

"Well, if you take into consideration that Harry placed a stink bomb on Snape's chair at breakfast this morning and of the changes in atmospheric pressure..." (yes people, atmospheric pressure does indeed effect the amount of detentions a teacher will give) "...I believe that we can correctly assume he will give exactly 1.2534 detentions today."

"1.2534? Hmm, that's less than usual. Normally he gives about 3.7849." Harry said.

"Well, I'm sure that Snape will be in a better mood considering that he actually got off his 'time of the month" Hermione interjected.

"Exactly." Ron said as he 'accidentally' brushed his hand against Pansy Parkinson's butt; who proceeded to slap Draco Malfoy and yelled at him for making 'sexual advances'.

When everyone filed into the class and found a seat, Severus Snape (excuse me, ProfessorSnape) walked in with the hems of his robes sweeping the floor causing large dust bunnies to cling to them. In his usual 'morning drawl' voice he said, "Before I start the lesson I have been told to warn you all by the Headmaster that I am in a foul mood and am looking for any reason to give a detention. Now on with the lesson. The enlarging potion, as it's name suggests, will enlarge any object that you put it on...yes mister Malfoy?"

"Sir, I was wondering, could an enlarging potion be used on one's body?"

"Yes it could, however I would advice against it. What you are trying to enlarge may become too large."

Under his breath Harry muttered, "I bet he's speaking from experience. That would explain his nose." Ron covered his mouth in order to stifle a laugh while Hermione raised her hand.

"Yes, miss Granger? Do you have something to add to prove you are nothing but an insufferable know-it-all?"

"Actually professor, I have a legitimate question. I was wondering if your warning comes from a past mistake."

"Granger, that is a detention for suggesting that _I've_ tried to enlarge a part of my body?" Snape yelled, while blushing.

"Well, I only meant your nose, sir."

"One more word out of you and it will be double detention."

"Sir, I think you should answer Hermione's question." Pansy barked.

"DETENTION!" Snape yelled again.

Under his breath Ron whispered "I bet if we start it we could get the entire class detention."

"Right." Harry and Nevil whispered in unison.

"Sir, can I have a detention?" Nevil asked, raising his hand.

"And what about me sir? Can I have one?" Harry asked.

"And don't forget me!" Ron screamed, jumping up and down with his hand in the air.

"HOW DARE YOU THREE SAY THAT YOU WANT A DETENTION! JUST FOR THAT YOU ALL HAVE DETENTION!" Snape said.

The rest of the class, picking up on what they were supposed to be doing, began asking for, and sometimes demanding, detentions. By the end of class Snape had successfully managed to give the entire potions class (including his precious Slytherins) five detentions each. When the bell rang Snape turned to the class and said "You will all stay here while I fill out the detention slips. And make sure you hand in your potions samples."

"But sir, we don't have any samples. We spent this entire hour getting detentions." Hermione said.

"ANOTHER DETENTION!" Snape screamed from below his desk. After a few minutes of tense silence swearing could be heard from Snape's desk. When he came back up with a stack of filled out detention slips in his hands he coldly looked at the class and said, "Miss Granger, you will not have to serve your last detention; it appears that after filling out everyone's slips I no longer have another one. Now all of you leave before I break up into tears."

As the class obediently filed out of the room Hermione turned to Ron and said, "You know, your calculations were just a bit off."


	3. AN: Apology

**AN********: **This is an important note! I have lately been neglecting this, and all my other stories. I have recently re-read your guy's reviews and my own stories...some of which are over two years old. I have decided to re-write the current chapters (since many of them have major grammatical and spelling mistakes) along with just poor writing. AFTER I have finished re-vising them I plan to continue with my stories. I will try to focus on them all but I'm not making any promises.

If I seem to be falling behind again I give everyone permisson to send me a PM telling me to get my butt moving again...though please be polite about it.

And thanks everyone who has reviewed on my stories. I hope you guys will stick with me as I try to get back into this.

-Jillion Tealleaf


	4. Popular

**AN: **Wow, it has been forever since I last posted to this collection of oneshots – let alone to any of my other actual story stories. For anyone who has read my other works, I'm sorry, I've honestly had more important things going on in my life but maybe once things settle down I can get back to what I love (apparently family trips, high school, senior year, scholarships, a divorce, and getting ready for college take up time – who knew?)

Anyways, I was listening to the song _Popular _from the musical _Wicked_ and this just hit me. It was like BOOM! The majority of the dialogue is actually the song (I took the song word for word) – so if you haven't heard the song you really should check it out on Youtube (it will make the story so much funnier if you know the melody of the song).

The only real part of dialogue (and story for that matter) that is original and belongs to me is what's in normal type. Anything in _italics _is either the name of the song and its source (on one occasion) or more likely the actual lyrics to the song.

So, in case you haven't figured it out by this long AN (and if you're still reading this) I suppose I must say that no, I do not own any of the characters, or places, or the song that are featured in this story. I really wish I did, but, alas, I don't. So don't send me to court! (No one would do that right)? Now stop reading this insanely long AN and read the stupid story!

~ Sincerely, Jillion Tealleaf

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***Diner time in the Great Hall***

The mark of the Dark Lord burned into his skin – indicating that Severus Snape's master requested – demanded nicely actually – his presence was needed at the, now rundown, Malfoy Manor. Grumbling about having to leave his spotted dick, after all, being the headmaster at Hogwarts should allow for some…well, allowances on his master's behalf.

"Minerva, I have to go appease someone. Make sure these brats don't burn down the castle while I am gone." Snape said as he got to his feet and quickly – though evilly and dramatically – pranced out of the Great Hall and apparated away.

***Two minutes later in the dining room of Malfoy Manor***

Dropping to his knee, Snape bowed before the most evil and magnificent Voldemort, before quickly scanning the room. "My lord, you wished to speak with me? May I inquire as to where your other faithful followers are?"

"You may not. Now, Severus, how long have you been in my service?"

"For a total of eight years, split between your two separate and glorious reigns."

"They have been glorious, haven't they?" With a shake of his wrist the Dark Lord dismissed that thought and proceeded. "I called you hear today to discuss a matter that may be just as important to our war effort as the death of Harry Potter…your popularity. Sevy, now that we are friends I have decided to make you my new project."

"You really don't have to do that." Snape protested, looking horrified at his lord.

"I know…that's what makes me so nice…CUE MUSIC!" Voldemort yelled the last bit as Theodore Nott Sr. and Wormtail magically restrained him to a cushy armchair and leaned over him menacingly with their wands, some anti-greasing gel, and some combs and brushes.

With the tinkling of the bells the music from _Popular_, from the hit Broadway musical, _Wicked_, started playing as the Dark Lord pulled off his cloak to reveal Fluorescent pink and purple polka-dotted robes and started singing:

"_Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I – and let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I – my tender heart tends to start to bleed. _

_And when someone needs a makeover I simply have to take over; I know I know exactly what they need._

"_And even in your case – though it's the toughest case I have yet to face – don't worry I'm determined to succeed. _

_Just follow my lead. And yes…indeed…you…will…be…Popular._

"_You're gonna be pop-u-lar. _

_I'll teach you the proper poise when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce. _

_Oh! _

_I'll show you what shoes to wear and how to fix your hair – everything that really counts to be popular. _

_I'll help you be popular. _

_You'll hang with the right cohorts, you'll be good at sports, know the slang you've got to know. _

_So let's start because you've got a really long way to go._

"_Don't be offended by my frank analysis. _

_Think of it as personality dialysis. _

_Now that I've chosen to become a philanthropist – or an adviser – there's nobody wiser when it comes to popular. _

_I know about pop-uuuuu-lar. _

_And with an assist from me, to who'll you'll be - instead of dreary - who you were, well are. _

_There's nothing that can stop you from becoming pop-u-lar…lar._

A dance line of deatheaters wearing florescent chorus girls outfits enters from out of nowhere doing the can-can while singing,

"_Laaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaa."_

During the "la las" the Dark Lord took a breath before continuing - with his can-caning followers joining in,

"_We're gonna make you pop-u-lar."_

Going to solo-mode again, Voldemort continued,

"_When I see depressing creatures with unprepossessing features, _

_I remind them, on their own behalf to think of celebrated heads of states_ _or especially great communicators,"_ (Pictures of Dumbledore and Grinderwald were held up.)

"_Did they have brains or knowledge? _

_Don't make me laugh! _

_Haha. _

_They were popular! _

_Please, it's all about popular. _

_It's not about aptitude; it's about how you're viewed. _

_So it's very shrewd to be very, very popular – like me!"_

Voldemort finished his song with a very loud and off-key crescendo, before taking a bow and looking approvingly at his newly transformed deatheater before saying "Why, Mister Severus, look at you. You're beautiful. I really do think that the pink sundress with bright orange sunflowers goes perfectly with your long, curled, purple hair. You look far less drab – as if you have more pizzazz!"

"I…I have to go." Snape stuttered out when he saw his own image in a full-length mirror held up by Bellatrix. After forgetting to bow he turned around and practically ran out of the room screaming at the top of his lungs.

"You're welcome…

In the background the music started up again as Voldemort began doing his encore for the room of applauding – and gaudily dressed – deatheaters.

"_And though you protest your disinterest, I know clandestinely…._

_You're gonna grin and bear it, your new found popularity! _

_Ah! _

_Laaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaa, laaaaaaaa! _

_You'll be popular – just not quite as popular as Meeeee!"_

***Hogwarts Great Hall***

Severus Snape stormed through the huge doors leading into the Great Hall – once again interrupting the student's dinner. Once he got to his seat at the head of the staff table he shrieked "Each and every one of you little snot-nosed brats is getting five detentions for not electing me the most popular man in Britain! Now all of you off to bed!"

Raising his hand, Neville Longbottom half-rose out of his seat and said timidly, "But sir, it's still light outside and we have home-"

"BED! NOW! YOU UNFORGIVING LITTLE MONSTERS!" Snape half sobbed and half roared.

The entire student body filed out of the Great Hall, each barely daring to breathe. Once everyone had departed and was in their dorms Professor McGonagall turned her head and asked, "Severus, is that bright pink nail polish on your fingers?"

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**AN: **Okay, so as I said, it has been forever since I have posted on . I know I have been neglecting my other stories – for like a year or two. It is really sad. Anyways, maybe this will give me the push to start posting again….maybe, we'll see. With starting college in 18 days I may focus more on that, but we'll see. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this. It truly was a 'spur of the moment' thing. Please review!


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